Thursday, December 24, 2015
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Well meaning friends try to throw you a lifeline, something to grasp, but sometimes the "you are going to make it" and the "you'll be stronger when this is over" gets lost in the waves, too. You can't believe what they are saying, much less take hold of it.
The waves begin to slow down. You have time to catch your breath before the next one hits. It gets easier to meet the next one...or you have become stronger...either way. You look around and take stock.
Yes, you have lost a lot.
But, not everything. And it's even shocking how much has survived. You see blessing and provision in it all. It becomes harder to feel sorry for yourself.
And look! The flood waters and waves have washed up some precious treasure you might have never discovered but for this very storm. You are ready to pick up the pieces, old and new, and live again.
Last week I found that my lilacs were attempting to bloom. In the middle of sweltering 100+ degree temperatures, and despite sunburned and shriveled leaves, my brave flowering shrub was doing it's very best to produce something beautiful.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
It's been a season of loss at Ralphcrew. I've seen suffering at home and around the world but always felt very insulated against it. Not anymore.
Still, we can still count our blessings, because it's not like we've been tortured for our faith. We haven't watched a child die. We all have our stories of pain and loss...and so many of you have suffered and lost much more than we have, but loss is loss. When it happens to you it's personal, and it's painful, no matter the degree.
What do we do with our pain? This is what matters. This is what will define us.
Will we build protective walls around our hearts so no one can ever hurt us again? Will we go on the offensive, seeking to hurt and destroy those who have wronged us? Both? God forbid. We only hurt ourselves and possibly innocent bystanders!
Ideally, we will follow the example Jesus set. We forgive, over and over again. We forgive those who know not what they do. We accept the suffering without fighting back. We are not surprised when it comes, we know to expect it on this side of heaven.
When we know better, we do better. We press on.
Maybe we find that one loss has created room for something different. Maybe God shows up and brings dry bones to life! Maybe we find beauty in exchange for ashes.
I find myself longing for the day when we can look back and all of this makes perfect sense. Until then, Ralphcrew will keep on keeping on!
Friday, July 10, 2015
- When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
- Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
- My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
- For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
- But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
- And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
The 4th of July has always been a BIG deal for our family. We typically blow up way too many fireworks and eat too many burgers and dogs. Not only are we the patriotic type, but my brother-in-love was born that day. In 1992, our son was born that day, too! As this firecracker baby of ours was growing up, I would fib to him and say all the fireworks were just for him!!
The night that our Richard Wayne was born, James slipped out to celebrate and shoot fireworks with his best friend and our best man, Wayne. Yes, we did name our son in honor of my husband's childhood BFF. Wayne was as close as, possibly even closer than a brother to him since they were very small boys. They were equally at home in the other's house. Brother from another mother, that is how they might have described each other.
Over the years we moved all over the country and back, Wayne served our country overseas and at home in the National Guard, babies were born, and the messy stuff of life happened to us all. Through all the challenges and all the changes, James and Wayne remained close. It is a testimony to their character and loyalty that they stayed so close for 40-ish years. A friendship like theirs is a rare and precious gift.
This year, the 4th of July was changed forever. I was still groggy when I got the call that morning. I couldn't quite follow what I was hearing on the line. Something happened...Wayne and his wife, Celeste...accident..."slow down," I begged. "Was Wayne hurt?"
He was dead. Celeste also. Oh Lord, no...
|Wayne and Celeste Shelton|
They had just celebrated their 2nd wedding anniversary the week before. This couldn't be happening. I could not bear to break the news to Richard...much less on his birthday.
|Left to right: Wayne, Richard and James|
It's tragedy enough when one parent dies, but both at the same time? Wayne and Celeste left behind four partially dependent young adults to take care of all of the arrangements. Can you imagine the kind of heartbreaking and grown up decisions they are being forced to make without their parents there to guide them?
While their parents affairs are being settled, these four kids are responsible for paying all the bills, the rent, upfront expenses of the funeral arrangements as well as finding new places to live...all while grieving for their parents. It's hard to wrap my mind around this tragedy. It's unthinkable.
There is a memorial fund set up in honor of Wayne and Celeste. Funds raised will be used to cover the expenses related to the funeral costs and settling of affairs. Any remaining funds will be split four ways between the kids, Heather, David, Chelsey and Madison.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
He is 8 today. I cannot believe it.
He was born on a beautiful Sunday. I remember so many little details about this blessed day. It was a true gift from God.
Our family enjoyed a meaningful worship service that morning. Pretty sure we sang Everlasting God, which would become very meaningful for me a few days later. After church I was feeling like maybe I was going into labor, so my sweet husband fed the children while I rested in my room. It was a golden day, the sun was shining and my bedroom windows were open to the breeze.
As I labored gently, there is no other way to describe this labor, I could hear the children playing outside our home. Our home. Life was perfect in the new home we had built and moved into only a few months earlier. I couldn't have been happier or more content at any other moment in my life. The sunset made our bedroom glow.
My darling husband called the midwife. We had everything ready to go for another home birth...but I requested that she not come too soon this time. I labor more comfortably and confidently when I am unobserved and quite secluded. I sang worship songs along with my favorite radio station and wandered from the bed to a warm bath and back again. It seems like a dream now.
I can't say enough about my brave and wonderful husband, who was able to track my progress with coaching from the midwife over the phone. (I mean, really? The things that man has done for me...) Anyway, she arrived to the house about dark and things got serious very quickly. She found old meconium in the amniotic fluid upon breaking my water and I powered that little baby out in no time...this was an emergency.
I remember quite clearly how darling my little Ralph was, from the very first moment I saw him. So cute. It just struck me. And I remember the midwife saying, "I think your baby may have Down Syndrome." But I didn't care...it just didn't matter. His lungs were full of gunk and he couldn't breathe. I just wanted him to be OK...DS or not.
We called 911. Firefighters, policemen, and paramedics showed up. So many people. The ambulance driver missed a turn to get on the highway. The doctor at the hospital was so rude. I refused to be admitted so they made me walk all the way to the NICU to see Ralph. Our lives fell apart that wonderful night that turned into a nightmare.
I am so truly thankful for the peaceful labor and the wonderful memories of the day Ralph was born. God must have know that I would need to hang on to this wonderful memory to face the hard days ahead...days when I was sure he would not make it through.
Now Ralph is healthy, and strong and so very big! The peaceful, beautiful memories and the dark, difficult ones remind me that God is always in control, and I have SO very much to be thankful for, even in seasons of difficulty and sorrow.
Thank you, Ralph! You have taught me so much in the past eight years. Happy birthday, you handsome boy!!