Life is hard...one child or twenty.

I've been meaning to write, but I haven't had many positive things to say. Ruby is a peach, but life in general had been so hard lately. I don't even really want to type.

Ruby is so tiny! She is so small that I swear she's getting skinnier every day. At first she was so sleepy and full of mucous that she didn't want to eat. By Saturday night I was in pain from severe engorgement. She finally decided that nursing would be good about Monday. By Wednesday I was in a different kind of pain.

Wednesday morning she started spitting up what looked like blood...old, brown blood. I freaked out and called the doctor. The nurses asked me if my nipples were cracked. Duh! Of course they were. You would think after nine children I would know a thing or two.

I was alone with the kids at the time and you know that Ralph doesn't walk yet. (I'm not supposed to pick him up at all.) It was Rose's birthday and she wanted cookies for school. And I just can't stop crying. One well placed phone call and I had a friend at the door with cookies for Rose, a gallon of milk for Ralph and time to play with them. She even took Rose to meet the school bus. Another friend arrived then and played with Ralph and put him in his crib when he was ready for his nap. I do have great friends. One friend even set up some playdates for Ralph for this week, but he started running a high fever yesterday...we'll try to keep this bug to ourselves if you KWIM.

Back to Ruby...she's been ravenous. Wanting to nurse all the time and trying to stuff all her long, spidery fingers in her mouth in between. I just needed time to heal so I started pumping and giving her a bottle yesterday. It was amazing!

After gulping down nearly 2 ounces she would relax and look around or go to sleep. No more desperate finger munching. No more crying. I really think she was starving. I think that I was in such pain that she wasn't getting much from me. I'm not even getting much by pumping...really getting worried about this, too. Baby formula smells so bad and really disgusts me. I'm going to give it another day and try to take really good care of myself before I totally freak out. Any suggestions?

Also, my neck and head hurts. More than anything, my neck has hurt me for a week. I thought it was from the night that I fell asleep sitting up on the couch, but I'm starting to wonder. I recall that it hurt badly one night while I was in the hospital. Could a spinal headache manifest as a pain in the neck?

My poor hubby has been working so hard lately. He's not been around much this week and I know that it hurts him. It hurts me, too. He was out of town for a week before Ruby was born. He came home the evening before. Even when he is home, he has presentations to prepare and so spends all his time working and on the phone. I guess I could be married to the kind of guy who can't or doesn't care to hold a job. So, I'm thankful.

Daddy took this picture last night after Ruby took her bottle. The silly phone camera makes her nose look big! Not the best quality. But you can see the look on her face. She was making little kissy-lips and just staring at her daddy.